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Lily Collinsis looking back on a “toxic” relationship from her past.
On Wednesday’s episode of theWe Can Do Hard Thingspodcast, theEmily in Parisstar, 33, recalled the abuse she endured from an ex-boyfriend in her “early 20s.”
The actress continued, “He would call me ‘Little Lily.’ You should be ‘Little Lily’ and he’d use awful words about me in terms of what I was wearing and would call me a whore and all these things.”
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She added that her ex’s “belittling words” made her become “quite silent and comfortable in silence and feeling like I had to make myself small to feel super safe.”
The relationship led Collins — who previously opened up aboutovercoming eating disorders— to therapy, where she learned about how prey refused to eat when they felt under attack.
Collins said that her ex’s actions would leave with her feelings of “panic” and “anxiety.”
TheTo the Bonestar also revealed that she can still be triggered today, despite now having ahealthy marriagewith husbandCharlie McDowell.
“It’s like a millisecond, or shorter than a millisecond,” she added. “And your gut reacts, your heart starts beating, and all of a sudden you’re taken back to that moment where they said that thing to you 10 years ago, but you’re not in that situation now and that’s the trigger and it’s f—ing hard. It’s awful.”
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Collins revealed she is more open with McDowell than her past relationships, sharing, “I’ve never had someone other than Charlie witness me in that state probably because I’ve never felt comfortable enough to be in that state knowing that person is going to leave.”
She added, “Now in my life, having my wonderful and supportive husband, we do communicate and talk about so much.”
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In October, Collins opened up about her marriage to McDowell, calling the filmmaker her"best friend."
“We can kind of conquer anything,” she toldE! News. “We’ve been through so many changes globally, personally, and to be able to have a partner next to you that makes you laugh in times when you need it the most and helps you emotionally get through things, like moving to a foreign country for four months.”
“I just feel so grateful that I have someone next to me to be able to accomplish that and your best friend with you all the time,” she added.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at1-800-799-7233, or go tothehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.
source: people.com
