You ca n’t buy love , but that has n’t stopped marketers from hear to trade it to the masses every time February 14th rolls around on the calendar . And over the year , they ’ve offered some really bizarre — if not outright terrible — deals to tempt you . But believe us when we say that when the recipients of these gifts say , " Youshouldn’thave . " they probably and imply it .

1. A cockroach namesake

pose a sexual love that endures ? One that ca n’t be mash ? One that might skeeve out others ? Then the Bronx Zoosuggestsyou name one of its Madagascar hissing R-2 after your beloved . ( Or even better : Your ex . ) And at $ 15 , it ’s a buy .

2. Tattoo removal

A ball field is forever , but a tattoo does n’t have to be . disappear Laser Tattoo and Pigmentation Removal in Fort Worth , Texas is give devotee of the regretfully inked a chance towin free tattoo removalfor their partner . May the worst tattoo win !

3. A date at White Castle

Fast nutrient place have a go at it getting extra cheesy on February 14 . This year , White Castle proceed itsironically celebrated Valentine ’s Day qualification . You and your sweetheart should book now if you want a sit down - down yellow-bellied terrapin dinner with bloodless tablecloth , artificial blossom , romantic decor , free dessert , and a lensman to charm your special meal . Or if you ’re Harold and Kumar .

Another option : Be a tease and send off aSliderGram e - plug-in .

4. Liposuction, laser hair removal, lip injections, etc.

What do you get for the girl who has everything , except physical paragon ? Newhips , lips , or eyelashes for Valentine ’s Day ! Samra Plastic Surgery in New Jersey is n’t the only place bid enhancive enhancement tidy sum for Valentine ’s Day and marketing it as a way to " love yourself . " If you attend hard enough , you ’ll probably find a brush aside facelift , too .

5. A tour of the Newtown Creek Wastewater Treatment Plant

You do n’t have to be flush with John Cash to take your dish on an exotic trip for Valentine ’s Day . If you live near Greenpoint , Brooklyn , you could visit the Newtown Creek Wastewater Treatment Plant for free . The scenic tour — useable at 11 a.m. , 1 p.m. , 3 p.m. , and 5 p.m. on Saturday , February 9 — get down with a short overview of the wastewater treatment cognitive operation and finish atop the plant ’s 120 - foot digester eggs . Got ta go ? Registerhere .

iStock